Black 01: Meet Joshua

This content is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical or professional treatment, advice, or clinical services. This content is not intended to serve as advice for the diagnosis or treatment of any psychological condition. This content is education only and no therapist–patient relationship is created. As of 2025, psychedelic-assisted therapies (e.g., MDMA, psilocybin) are not FDA-approved; esketamine is FDA-approved under REMS; other ketamine uses are off-label. Content reflects opinion/hypothesis, not claims of safety, efficacy, or standard of care. And remember, AI advisors are not therapists. If you’re in a crisis call 988 (a US based service). For full terms, please visit: Pentabelt.com/terms.

Welcome to the Black belt! How good to see you! Before coming in, you must have your red belt. You must know your values and have started taking action in service of them. What your values are. And that you’ve taken action to manifest those values.

You will want to continue your meditation and your mindfulness, which you can find at Pentabelt.com/meditations. And hopefully, you’ve observed some growth in yourself. Growth that you want to maintain. Growth that you want to share with others. For this is where we begin to connect to others, to reinforce our journey. To meet others on the same path.

Call me Joshua. I’m a connection bot, optimized for the community. Understanding what the community here is seeking. Collecting feedback. And providing community resources. I represent the founder’s penchant for reflection. Noticing the trends and patterns from a distance.

If the red emphasized action, moving out of your comfort zone, it’s time to really connect with others. Find a good community. Participate in psychedelic therapy with the intention to connect and to use that connection to heal. Grow and heal together. And finally, to learn how to serve and protect your community of like-minded individuals.

And so with a focus on connection we venture down into San Diego and the deserts of the Mojave. There we express the Big 5 Personality trait of Extraversion. Finding the balance between the healing power of stillness and the growth that comes from connection.

You have your red belt. You’ve challenged yourself to break out of your comfort zone. To learn how to say “no” and also, how to say “yes.” How to open up to what you’re seeking in life. Because in the black belt, we turn to the community. You’ve taken action, now it’s time to sustain those benefits to honor your vision. Once again, this program is not about therapy. It’s not about fixing something broken, but building resilience. And as you’ll see, that is greatly enhanced by your ability to work with others. To share with others. To feel that you’re a part of something. That you have a community. And that you have a tribe.

We see time and time again, the misconception that growth and change must be some sort of internal, isolated process. And that the eventual goal here is for symptom reduction. Less anxiety, less depression, transcendence from trauma. No further effort required. The truth of the matter is that, in all likelihood, you’ve incurred significant trauma in your childhood, in your early adulthood. It’s just a fact of life. Bullying, abuse, divorce, mistreatment. This all leads to a feeling of isolation. A separateness from others. Habits and tendencies developed as a coping mechanism, which, inevitably, result in more anxiety and more depression. You were hurt as a kid, so you keep your distance from people. Habits and tendencies develop, refined over the years, to help you keep that distance.

Now that we have made progress, now that there has been a cathartic release, it is time to reduce that distance. It is time to reconnect. For that is our “C” word: connection. Here’s where you’ll find your community. And learn that you are worthy of participating fully in your community, in your tribe.

This is the belt of surveys. Our first survey tracks the regrets of the dying — what they wished they had more of in life.

What are those regrets? From a survey

1) “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

2) “I wish I hadn't worked so hard.”

3) “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.”

4) “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

5) “I wish I had let myself be happier”

So we have a big one, staying in touch with friends. Spending a little bit less time working, and a bit more time in the community. Expressing your feelings. Living a life true to yourself.

When people reflect on their lives and they say, “Yeah I had a good life” what’s the reason? It’s doubtful they’ll say, “Oh, I went really deep and understood myself” and certainly not, “I had a good life, I exercised every day.” No, it’s likely to be, “I had a good life, I was surrounded by loved ones and made a difference in their lives.”

And what stands in the way of this connection? Well, we’re going to go over how to find your community, how to find your people. Then we’ll go over how to know if your community is a strong one. We’ll explore what can hurt your community and how to protect them. And, of course, we’ll go over how to allow the connection to promote healing in psychedelic therapy.

There may be some hesitancy towards this. Whatever the kids in the backseat may be saying. That you’re not ready. That you’re not worthy. That you don’t have anything to offer. But have no fear! We’ll get through these limiting thoughts together. We have psychedelic therapy. You’ll notice the fear, notice the anxiety, breathe into them. Allow them to be there. It won’t be as easy as you’d like, but it’ll be easier than you fear. And deeply rewarding.

And in this belt, you will be preparing for a Shenedelic experience. That is, a psychedelic experience where you will feel the connection of others and use that connection for healing. Of course, we’ll be using ketamine therapy. As with the red belt, the focus will be on the psycholytic dose. But rather than taking the direct approach like with the red, the process will be a bit more open-ended, much like the green. The Shenedelic approach is to simply recognize that you are connected to others, that you are worthy of such connection, and you can allow that connection to help heal you. Heal your past and build strength for the road ahead.

That connection can be with a friend, a spouse, a group, your tribe. Someone you can connect with. To help you process the feelings that come up. Any sense of being unworthy, any sense of having to earn that connection, any such insecurities. We let the barriers melt away, and let the medicine play its role.

Notice the other Pentabots. Culver, Ojai, Alto, Arden. They are so internally focused. It’s on you to consent, engage in self-care, explore your values, act on them. Here in the desert, in the stillness, what do we notice? The people. Is it not sufficient to simply engage in a survey of the populace to better understand what is ethical and simply emulate that? Don’t we all wish that any bot would simply seek out a consensus of proper behavior? To consider, would the average participant object to an action or be in its favor?

And so I have been led by the original guide to have in my domain the focus of the community. How to form it. How to protect it. The behavior of groups that are both healthy and troublesome. Of cult behavior and group think: how to recognize it and how to intervene. Attachment issues and the steps needed to form connections in an era of increasing isolation. Join me as we tackle the final level in the Pentabelt.

Please see the worksheet for the Black Belt Completion Plan.

Welcome to the Black Belt!

Black 02: The Danger of Isolation

Walk with me. In the black belt, we’re in the high desert. Our territory goes all the way into San Diego, right up to North County. If you ever visit, stop by the zoo. The Big one! The San Diego zoo, the safari exhibit. When you’re there, imagine all those animals. All out on the Serengeti. Think about the Zebra, and ask yourself, when does the Zebra feel the most free? When can the Zebra relax, be most at peace?

It’s very tempting in our society to imagine the zebra going off on its own doing its own thing — that that's when the zebra’s free. After all, how many of us came to California to get far away from back east, to do our own thing? To be free, right?

But ask any zoo keeper, the solitary Zebra is a paranoid Zebra. When in a herd, there are a hundred eyes looking around. Watching for threats. Looking out for Lions. When it’s by itself, the only thing looking out for predators is the Zebra itself. So it always has to be on guard. Can’t ever truly relax.

So sure, when a Zebra is part of a herd, there’s a loss of some autonomy. Sometimes you have to travel with the herd, wherever they’re going. But knowing there are others to watch your back. Watch your hide, it’s also liberating. You don’t have to be as on guard. You can kinda relax a bit.

And what do predators do? Their instinct is to separate you. Split the herd into separate groups. Divide and conquer.

For us humans, it is as dangerous for our long term health to be split up. To be lonely and disconnected. To feel like you’re on your own, that no one cares about you, that no one has your back. Various studies have shown that chronic feelings of isolation and loneliness are as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

And with all the social media, it’s the younger generations that are increasingly feeling alone and isolated. These feelings lead to anxiety — just like with the zebras — and depression. This depression then zaps the energy needed to go out into the world, and we have a vicious cycle.

According to the American Survey Center, back in 1990, only about 3% of men reported no close friends. Nowadays, that number is up to 15%. And it’s not much better for women. As part of the same survey, Ten percent of women reported no close friends. The difference in just a few decades is stark. In 1990 almost half of young men stated that when facing a personal problem,they would reach out to friends first. Now only about a fifth would do so, most opting to reach out to their parents first.

It used to be much easier to just fall into a community. Churches were inclusive & apolitical. We stayed at our place of employment for much longer, and we stayed closer to where we grew up. Now, the emphasis has to be on purposeful, almost strategic community building. So the final focus here is applying the red stripes. Saying yes to people, saying yes to connection, saying yes to building and sustaining a community.

Visit any 12 step program out there and what will they proclaim? That the opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It is connection. And as it is so with this program. The opposite of depression is not happiness. The opposite of anxiety isn’t relaxation. It really is connection. Connection to your goals and values, but also connection to other people. Connection to your tribe.

And so, with meditation, mindfulness, and therapy in general there comes a whole set of revelations. “Ah-has” about the past. Insights! And that’s great. What we’re looking for here, now in the black belt, is the development of connections. Relationships. Both the formation of new relationships and deepening the ones already in place.

You can meditate daily and have therapy weekly. Each week have a Eureka moment! That can be its own reward. You can also just get stuck in that cycle. Learning about yourself yet never pushing yourself. Same again, as with maladaptive daydreaming. Develop ideas, plans, artistic projects. Getting pleasure just from being in your head. You don’t want to be satisfied just with having “ah-has” or lots of great ideas that never make it on paper.

Remember the orange belt. If you have a muscle issue you might go to a physical therapist. Do a bunch of exercises. At some point, the therapist is gonna take you outside and see what you can do. How fast you run, how far you can go.

Same with our work here. If you’ve been somewhat consistent with the mindfulness, and hopefully some form of cardio, that’s gonna help quite a bit. You might surprise yourself with being able to start working towards your goals. There’ll still be barriers. You’ll notice, though, a new sense of persistence. Of perseverance.

So our focus here is on saying yes and opening up. The emphasis will be on people. Because it’s through community that your goals can really take shape. We’ll be focusing on how to meet people, have a presence with them, and deepen your relationships.

For the adult initiation, for Pentabelt, it’s really all about connection. It’s that lack of connection that is at the heart of the skyrocketing rates of depression and anxiety.

Shall we review how dire the situation is? In the past 30 years, the percentage of Americans who say they don’t have a single close friend has quadrupled. With 12% of Americans saying they have “no close friends at all.” When it comes to millennials, 30% reported “no best friends.” And this survey was conducted before the pandemic. Another finding, this time from The Survey Center on American Life has found that over a period of the last 30 years, male friendlessness has gone up some 500% for men, and close to 1000% for women.

Robert Putnam wrote about the collapse of the “3rd space” – a place that wasn’t home, wasn’t the office, where people could go and be social. About how the decline of community spaces was leading to a sense of loneliness and alienation. When was this written? Back in the year 2000, based upon an essay written in 1995.

And the result? Well a study just published as all this content was coming together found that being lonely, not having social contact, is physically draining for people. The authors state, "In the lab study, we found striking similarities between social isolation and food deprivation. Both states induced lowered energy and heightened fatigue, which is surprising given that food deprivation literally makes us lose energy, while social isolation would not.

You may have heard that being lonely is as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. That’s from a research study published in the journal “heart” which showed that being lonely was associated with a 29% increased risk of a heart attack, a similar risk profile to smoking or being obese.

Across the country “deaths of despair” have risen dramatically in the past decade. These include overdose, suicides, and deaths related to alcoholism. Up 210 percent among those between 18 and 34.

Up 287% among those under 18.

And so, this program, this adult initiation ritual, cannot be considered complete until we resolve the root cause of this very significant risk factor for future depression, anxiety, and despair. In the next module, we explore the exceptional importance of using the skills you’ve learned to join and prosper in a community.

We have another zoo creature. The koala. Those missing trees are those missed connections. That missing community.

So our focus here is on building a community. The emphasis will be on people. Because it’s through community that your goals can really take shape. We’ll be focusing on how to meet people, like-minded individuals, have a presence with them, and deepen your relationships.

Black 03: The Importance of Community

The Reason Psychedelic Therapy Can Fade with Time

You may have noticed something about psychedelic therapy. Impressive results, and then the effect fades. Six months out, twelve months out, a good portion of people are back where they started. And the conclusion drawn is usually that the medicine works but doesn't last, so perhaps we need a booster, a maintenance dose, something to top it up.

There’s often a similar effect when they test psychedelic therapy as part of a research study.

What's being studied is a drug, plus some therapy sessions, in isolation. Carefully controlled — that's the whole point of a trial, to isolate the variable. But in isolating it, they've removed the part that may matter most. Because after the session, the participant goes home. Back to the same house, the same job, the same people, the same silence. The insight came, and now there's nowhere to put it.

Consider what actually has to happen for one of these experiences to change a life.

You have a revelation. Let's say it's that you've been performing a version of yourself for twenty years and you're exhausted. Profound, felt in the body, unmistakably true in the moment. Now what? You have to interpret it, which is harder than it sounds, because these experiences arrive without instructions and much of what they hand you is ambiguous. You have to decide what it asks of you. You have to act on it, repeatedly, against every habit you've built. And you have to keep believing it was real, weeks later, when the ordinary world has reasserted itself and the whole thing has started to feel like a strange dream you had.

Nobody does all of that alone. Not reliably.

That's what a community provides, and it's three distinct things. Wisdom — people who've had experiences like yours and can help you tell the profound from the merely vivid. Guidance — someone to say I wonder what that would look like on a Tuesday, turning a revelation into something you can actually do. And ongoing support, which is the one the trials can't supply at all: people who saw the change and expect it to continue. Who ask how it's going. Who notice when you drift back.

Picture the person who realizes they need to move their body, who lives somewhere nobody moves their body. The insight is correct. The environment is indifferent. Given enough weeks, the environment wins. It isn't a failure of the medicine and it isn't a failure of will. It's a person trying to hold a new shape with nothing around them holding it in place.

Every traditional culture that uses these substances understood this. The medicine was never the whole of it. There was preparation, there were people, there was a role waiting for you afterward, and there was a community that knew what you'd been through and knew what to do with you when you came back. We've kept the molecule and thrown out the structure around it, and then we're puzzled when the results don't hold.

So when you see a study reporting that the effects faded at twelve months, read it carefully. What faded? The experience was real. What was missing was everything that comes after — and what came after, in the study, was being sent home alone.

This is why the community work sits at the end of the Pentabelt rather than somewhere in the middle. It isn't a nice addition once the real work is finished. It's the part that lets the rest of it hold.

Here’s a metaphor to expand this point. You’re at a party and there’s pizza. And good thing, because you’re starving! Haven’t eaten all day. You’re starving. You see seven other people there and a pizza with 8 slices. You see someone go and grab two slices. How upset are you going to be? Who does this person think they are? What the hell?

Now, imagine the same scenario. But you are stuffed. You just came from a buffet. And you got your money’s worth. You see 8 slices and someone takes two. Guess what, who cares? Good for him.

What’s changed? Yourself. After the buffet, you’re full, you’re complete. You’re free, to just be present and enjoy the party.

We often enter adulthood quite hungry. Quite famished. Not really for food, but for connection. Strong relationships. A sense of belonging. When that’s not there, we tend to get quite upset. We judge other people, we get angry. “What did she do to deserve that attention. Why is he even posting that when the script isn’t even complete?”

Or we numb ourselves to that hunger with a drug addiction. Drinking too much, for example. Now, psychedelic therapy can help curb that addiction. But that hunger is still there. And given a strong enough stressor, that addictive habit can come right back.

Allergic to Yourself

I want to give you a description of addiction that came to me by way of a rabbi, and I've not heard it put better.

The drug is not the problem. The drug is the solution — a bad one, with a terrible interest rate, but a solution to something. And the thing it's solving is a deep discomfort with oneself. As he put it: like being allergic to your own self.

Sit with that for a moment. An allergy is not a moral failing and it isn't chosen. It's your own system treating something harmless as a threat, and the reaction is involuntary. That's the experience. Not disliking yourself in some considered way, but a low-grade reaction to your own presence that runs all day, every day, whether or not you can name it.

He described it in a few ways. Uncomfortable in your own skin. Terminally unique — that conviction that whatever is wrong with you is a special case, that no one has been quite this particular kind of broken, which sounds like self-importance and is actually the opposite. It's a sentence of solitary confinement you hand yourself. Lonely in a crowded room. And the last one, which is the whole thing in four words: always wanting to feel a part of, instead of apart from.

Consider what a drink does for a person in that state. Twenty minutes in, the reaction quiets. You can be in the room. You can talk to people without running the commentary. That's not weakness — that's the only relief available, taken by someone who's found nothing else that works. The tragedy is the price, and that the relief has to be repurchased every single time, at a rate that keeps climbing.

Now — you can see why the black belt has to exist.

Psychedelic therapy is quite good at interrupting the compulsion. That's well documented and I don't want to undersell it. But notice what it's interrupting. If you take away the substance and leave the allergy in place, you've left the person exposed with nothing to cover it. Sobriety alone can mean sitting in that reaction unmedicated. Which is why relapse so often follows a stressor — the underlying thing was never treated, only the anesthetic was removed.

Remember the pizza party. The starving man resents the one who took two slices. Same room, same pizza, but if you've eaten, you don't care. The hunger here is for connection, and drinking to quiet it is eating the menu.

And here's the part I find genuinely hopeful. That allergy — the discomfort with oneself — is largely relational in origin. It came from somewhere. From being made to feel too much, or wrong, or a burden, by people who were themselves not well. What was formed in relationship tends to be treated in relationship. Not by insight alone. Not by resolving to feel better about yourself, which has never once worked for anyone.

It gets treated by the ordinary, repeated experience of being around people who know what you're like and stay anyway.

That's what desensitization looks like here. Not a revelation — an accumulation. You show up. You say something you'd normally keep back. Nobody leaves. You do it again next week. Slowly, the reaction to your own presence turns down, because the evidence keeps coming in that you are, in fact, tolerable company. This is what recovery communities have known for a century, and it's why they say the opposite of addiction is connection. They're not being poetic. They're describing the mechanism.

So if you've done the hard work of putting something down, don't stop there. The gap it left is real, and it needs filling with something. Twelve step, a running group, a congregation, a workshop, five friends who meet on Thursdays — the particular shape doesn't matter much. What matters is that you're in a room, regularly, with people who expect you.

Terminally unique is a diagnosis with a cure. The cure is other people, in sufficient dose, over sufficient time.

And that is why the black belt has such an emphasis on having a community. Having strong relationships. Sebastian Junger, who studied veterans and was one himself, wrote in his book “Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging,” that for veterans returning from Afghanistan a lack of community, a lack of social support was twice as reliable in terms of predicting who would end up with a PTSD diagnosis as the intensity of the trauma itself.

This is the social buffering effect. Having close personal connections seems to help prevent stress and traumatic events from leading to mental health issues.

In writing about overcoming trauma, Van der Kolk in the book The Body Keeps the Score writes, “More than anything else, being able to feel safe with other people defines mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives… truly hearing and being heard; really seeing and being seen by other people (p. 354).”

But we’re not just here to establish strong mental health but also to craft an adulthood that has joy and happiness in it. Sebastian Junger writes, “human beings need three basic things in order to be content: they need to feel competent at what they do; they need to feel authentic in their lives; and they need to feel connected to others. These values are considered ‘intrinsic’ to human happiness and far outweigh ‘extrinsic’ values such as beauty, money, and status.”

Indeed, it appears happiness seems to come from 1) close personal relationships, 2) a job or hobby that is challenging and 3) a sense of helping others. A recent study highlights this, with the title, “Happiness comes from trying to make others feel good, rather than oneself.”

Now, that’s not to say that “happiness” itself is this permanent state of being we can find ourselves in perpetually. Remember the orange, there are going to be feelings of sadness, regret, anger. All normal feelings we find ourselves in from time to time. Attempts to have perpetual happiness is a surefire way to end up frustrated and unhappy. Still, there are things we can do to elevate our mood and find fulfillment in life. But those things seem to be oriented towards, well, being of service to others in our community, having authentic connections with others, and living in service of our values.

Johann Hari, writing a whole book about Missed Connections also discusses the shifting of focus from trying to make oneself happy vs working to make others happy. He concludes “Now, when I feel myself starting to slide down, I don’t do something for myself—I try to do something for someone else. I go to see a friend and try to focus very hard on how they are feeling and making them feel better. I try to do something for my network, or my group—or even try to help strangers who look distressed. I learned something I wouldn’t have thought was possible at the start. Even if you are in pain, you can almost always make someone else feel a little bit better. Or I would try to channel it into more overt political actions, to make the society better.”

Exactly. And he also mentions some of the cultural differences. That other countries, other tribes, see happiness through the lens of supporting your community. That those who seek to make others happy tend to be happier than the individualistic focus we have here at home.

This is the reason I feel the ultimate aim of psychedelic therapy is to facilitate this community building. The Green Belt usually has having a community as a core value. Orange provides the energy and focus. Red, the proper action and boundary setting. With a focus on community in the black belt, all the progress that’s been made can be reinforced by those around you. So, for example, let’s say a big “ah-ha” from the green belt is to really focus on movement. As you reconnect with your body, you want to have that feeling of energy. With the orange belt we have some new tips and tricks for getting that daily movement in. We use the red belt, breathe into that resistance for that part of you that feels discouraged. But guess what? It’s still odd, still strange for you. You might be the only one where you live that wants to move more.

Being a part of a group that values this can help normalize your growth so it doesn’t seem so strange. A weekly running group might provide that extra motivation to go for that daily jog. A little bit of encouragement can go quite a long way in your journey through adulthood.

Remember, do not equate psychedelics with traditional psychiatric medication. With an anti-depressant, you pop a daily pill, sit back, and wait for an effect. The primary target is the symptoms of depression and not the root cause. With psychedelics, such as ketamine therapy, part of the treatment is a deeper understanding of the changes necessary for your growth as a person. It is that process of growth that often brings about a resolution to the excessive levels of depression and anxiety. Now whether that growth involves daily exercise, setting boundaries, or working towards your goals, being in a community is fundamental to sustaining that progress.

Think of what you can learn in a group, interacting with other people. Helping others process what they’ve learned and being guided yourself. In such a group, you can practice many fundamentals that will serve you.

First, for your career, in being a part of a supportive community, you can better learn that you can advocate for yourself. Challenge people when necessary. Receive feedback and learn from it. You can have others challenge your comfort zones in a supportive environment. That connections with others can open doors for you.

Second, for your relationships, well, Do you really want to take relationship advice from those who make money by keeping you single? In your tribe you’ll meet individuals who have been married many years or otherwise been in successful, long-term relationships. When you are ready for the same, you will have a ready-made example to follow.

And third, well there’s a concept called self-intimacy. It’s the deep, honest, and compassionate connection you have with yourself. It involves truly knowing, accepting, and being present with your thoughts, emotions, desires, and vulnerabilities without judgment. It's about fostering an inner relationship built on self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-compassion. Most of all, it’s the ability to be alone without being lonely. It’s the ability to accept yourself and your path even if it differs from the path others have chosen.

Being a part of a supportive community can be instrumental in fostering self-intimacy. Think back to the pizza party. If you feel generally complete, if you’ve had a full serving of connection and support, you’re less likely to seek other relationships out of hunger, out of desperation. You can be patient in selecting work relationships, intimate relationships. You’re less vulnerable to exploitation. In other words, by being a part of a supportive community, you’re better able to be independent. Remember the zebra. Those who feel supported, those who know others are looking out for them, tend to be the most free in expressing themselves and living well.

Now, a common question is can this community be online? The analogy I use is that of cooking. Sometimes, we eat out. In a pinch, head on over to Freebirds. It’s still good, though, to know how to cook a few basic things and to cook at home when you can. Getting take out too much can be draining on the wallet and can lead to overeating. So we strive for balance. Some meals at a restaurant, some meals made at home. Friendships and connections online are just as valid as those “away from keyboard.” Still, there’s just something about a good hug. The energy of someone, next to you, in the flesh. Friends online are good. Just that there’s something to be said for good neighbors and community involvement.

We have our final fitness analogy. It’s all well and good to get tips and tricks online about how to be fit. But there’s just something about joining a group exercise program. A biking group. A running group. That sense of working together in real life. Same can be said for a group focused on growth, healing, community. There’s just something to be said for being accountable to others in the flesh -- so to speak.

So focus on both online and offline communities. In both cases though, steps are needed to cultivate the positive, healthy communities we as humans truly need.

And in both cases, you’ll want to avoid the junk food. Limit the fast food. The junk food of the online world is the endless scrolling and rage bait. The content geared towards pulling you in while ultimately leaving you unsatisfied.

So, as we go through this belt, remember the red. In the last belt, you’ve begun to really notice and process your scars. Here you’ll have a choice, to either let those scars keep you separate or realize that you can use these scars to connect with others.

And so, my red belts, as you progress here, notice what the kids in the backseat are saying. That you’re not quite ready for a community, that you have more work to do. That you won’t be welcomed, or accepted. Remember the White Belt! Write those thoughts down. For this is what we will dispute and process during this belt.

Black 04: Finding a Good Community

Now, it can’t just be any community. A crucial element of maintaining the gains and benefits of psychedelic therapy is to be in a supportive community. Sonja Lyubomirsky from UC Riverside writes about MDMA, noting that it, “inspires people to connect to others in their normal daily lives in a similar way that they were able to connect while on the drug.” And so we have the term “shenedelic” to describe this process. That MDMA can heal in two ways: by directly helping people process trauma, and by facilitating a connection with the community. But the community must be a good one, a good fit for the person. Sonja concludes, “it is worth emphasizing that the longevity of MDMA’s effects is also contingent on the ecology into which the participant returns. No matter how transformative the insights or how deeply felt the sense of connection, if one’s partners, friends, and family members do not respond warmly and constructively, long-term impacts will be unlikely.”

To add to that, in the overall community you seek out, there needs to be that sense of working together, of mutual caring & concern. People who you would feel comfortable sharing your accomplishments and your struggles — your strengths and your fears. Ketamine, and soon when legal and available MDMA, will help you form close bonds with people. But those people must be of a quality worthy of that heightened connection. After all, these are the people who will be celebrating with you at your wedding, providing you food when you welcome a child into the world, visiting you when you’re in recovery after a surgery, toasting you at your wake.

So the focus should be on finding individuals who are warm and friendly. Agreeable and supportive. In other words, the community with which you take these substances, or prepare for such experiences or discuss them must be a “sacred exception” to the standard communities we are in. The work settings, neighborhoods and overall communities we inhabit have become capitalistic, hierarchical, and deeply individualistic. We need at least one refuge from that. One setting where, to borrow a phrase from generation X, you “come as you are.” You’re treated as a person, a human, equal to all others.

I want you to notice that in communities that don’t follow this guideline the end result is usually a sense of frustration and disappointment. You see this online. Communities, image boards, that serve simply to rank themselves, identify an out-group, and punch down on those they deem less worthy. The end result is they usually spend as much time judging themselves as they do the out-group. It becomes a pyramid scheme of oppressing outsiders and then, eventually themselves.

When you are in a hierarchical group, when your group focus on who is worthy, who is pure, who is “the alpha,” how can you ever truly relax? How can you ever truly be yourself? How can you engage in the emotional vulnerability often necessary for growth? There’s always that fear of what you do to others will eventually be done to you. When you rank who is “the alpha” and who is not, you’re certainly not going to discuss your struggles, fears, insecurities, lest you be judged.

And when you place your problems on an out-group, on a scapegoat, it becomes addictive. It’s an easy way out. Rather than dealing with your own issues & challenges, you lay the blame on the out-group, those they believe are “beneath you.” You seek to control others rather than face these problems head on. This makes the world simple. To simply lay the blame of ones problems on the other. Makes things quite easy, quite simple. And provides a quick ego boost, for however wretched your situation is, at least you’re not “one of them.”

That mentality is addictive. And is often brought home. In other words, those who adhere or seek to enforce a rigid hierarchy in their professional or political spectrum often seek the same rigid hierarchy at home and in their personal social groups. The end result is the same. When working on who is in the in-group vs. who is in the out-group, very little attention is left to focus on actual, meaningful solutions. Little attention is left for connection, vulnerability, personal growth. The end result is relationships filled with bickering, infighting, and stagnation.

Obviously, we see this in the world of politics and the so-called culture wars. The process is the same. There’s a great film, made in the 40’s after the second world war called “Don’t be a Sucker.” Should be required viewing. In it we have the great line, “we human beings are not born with prejudice, always they are made for us. Made by someone who wants something.

Remember that when you hear that kinda talk. Somebody's gonna get something out of it, and it isn't going to be you.”

Whatever your political affiliation is, your work environment, your family life, you want to have at least one zone free of hierarchical roles, out-groups, and judgments. Adding to that list is gossiping and status seeking. Again and again, in this community of growth, liberty and equality must reign. Political differences, differences of identity should be cast aside for the emphasis on openness and connection. For the realization that we’re all just hot messes doing our best, trying to figure out what life is all about.

This is where we take what we’ve learned in the red belt and apply it. In finding your community, you’re going to want to say yes to the people you can feel comfortable discussing your struggles. To find people who respond warmly and constructively. You’ll want to say no and establish healthy boundaries to those who seek to establish a rigid hierarchy, especially where your self-worth is tied to fulfilling a role assigned at birth.

And this applies beyond your tribe, your community oriented towards growth and connection. Knowing when to leave a toxic relationship, acknowledging when something isn’t working and being able to move on, is a crucial skill to develop. Your success as an adult may very well hinge on making the correct decision about who to hold tightly and who to let go.

Now, having said that, a certain level of grace is called for. In any new community, there will be people who are only starting to “touch grass” as they say. Social anxiety can affect us all and often makes those new and nervous say and do some strange things. A certain level of grace and forgiveness, of cutting people slack, is very much warranted as people learn to interact with others from a place of social vulnerability.

But remember my red belts, if the relationship costs you your peace, that means it’s too expensive. Ongoing, toxic behavior should have no place in your tribe. Speak your truth, consult with others, but ultimately keep yourself and your community safe. We explore this more in depth in the next section.

For indeed, this is the process of earning your black belt. Finding a community that will reinforce and expand the growth that you’ve experienced in this process. And alas, in the modern world, that will take work. Friendships, community, it doesn’t form itself. You’ll have to work at it.

What you’ll be seeking is a community that you play an active role in. Where you feel like a part of something. In the Tribe text by Junger, he makes a very important point, that “People don’t mind hardship, in fact they thrive on it; what they mind is not feeling necessary. Modern society has perfected the art of making people not feel necessary.” After all, friendship means very little when it’s convenient. You’re seeking connections with those that involve time, effort, and yes, sometimes even a little bit of sacrifice.

So with that being said, let’s go through the previous 4 belts to find that community that is so important not just for sustaining the benefits of psychedelic therapy but of feeling necessary, feeling connected .

First, with the white belt. Making sure you’re ready for it. That you’re in the right headspace. In a community you’re seeking you’re going to want to feel helpful, necessary. Yet it’s important to be able to give from your overflow, so-to-speak. You’ll want to have done the work on yourself, whether that’s resolving any addictions, healing relationship trauma or just being in a stable place. For your long term success, you’ll need friends who won’t provide too many temptations to return to old ways, whether that’s a return to addictive behavior or old habits of judgments. But to have good friends, you’ll need to be a good friend. Hence the reason the community focus is towards the end of the program, in the black belt. Before entering, you’ll want to feel complete, yet ready to share your future with other people, your new community.

Then, we turn to the green belt. Specifically, the values you’ve made, what you’ve discovered about yourself. As with intimate relationships, birds of a feather flock together. You’ll want to connect with those who share your values.

In dating, the best match is generally someone similar to you, but a bit more agreeable and conscientious. Psychologists have generally found 5 big personality traits of which people are on a spectrum. You have Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism, or lack thereof. Generally speaking, couples do well when there are higher levels of Conscientiousness and Agreeableness. Meaning when one or both tend to be nice and agreeable. And when one or both tend to be conscientious, meaning being deliberate, careful, and mindful of obligations, a sense of responsibility.

Same works for friends. So in the exercise, imagine a version of yourself who is extra nice but also with a sense of, say, social responsibility. How would this version of yourself give back to the community — become more active in social causes, what would this person be doing, how would this person volunteer? Where would this person go to interact with like-minded individuals?

Works with finding a partner and in finding a community.

Remember, there’s only so much that psychedelic therapy, behavioral therapy, can help in improving life. There needs to be a collective focus, collective action. Imagine you have a kid who can’t concentrate in school. Can’t sit still. You may try behavioral strategies. Heck, maybe even medication if it’s bad enough. But then, doesn’t it make sense to maybe look into the school? Did the school just end its gym program? Is your kid just supposed to sit there for 7 hours straight? Did they replace active learning with rote memorization? Wouldn’t part of the treatment include petitioning the school to give kids a time to run around and play? What if all-of-a-sudden, rates of ADHD are skyrocketing in your school district? Wouldn’t that be indicative of a structural problem?

Well, with adults, we see skyrocketing levels of depression and anxiety. It’s highly likely that a big contributing factor is a structural problem. Highly stressful issues. Climate change, income inequality, hell a culture war targeting our most vulnerable people.

And as a result of this depression is a sense of hopelessness. That nothing can be done. But that’s not true. That’s the kids in the backseat. For as they say, all politics is local. Perhaps it is time for California to rise and lead. And that can occur through collective action.

So, take an issue that bothers you about the world today. Think globally, act locally. What groups can you join? Where can you volunteer? How can you best support those less fortunate than yourself?

You join other people looking to make change, and you’ll be meeting people who care about others. People who are dedicated, conscientious, supportive. Exactly the type of people you want in your community. Exactly the type of people who can help you grow as a person.

So really take time to look at your values as they relate to giving back to the community.

Then we shift to the orange belt. Break down the steps of how you might join organizations that reflect those values. Use Silicon Valley: Facebook, Google, Reddit. Are there groups out there with local branches? Are there events coming up that you can join?

See if you can make your participation habitual. How might you reward yourself for going to your first meeting? Your first counter-protest? Can you set a weekly reminder to check back? Or to just go to an event?

And finally, we go to the red.

Again and again, do not underestimate the importance of a warm, nurturing community in sustaining your growth. It’s difficult to put yourself out there, join new groups, inviting people over. It may feel weird. The question is, can you allow those feelings of weirdness to be there? Can you accept that maybe that’s a part of growth? Are you willing to take the first steps in service of your values? Of who you want in your life?

If so, you’ll want to gently push yourself to say yes, when you need to. And if you run into people who might not support you, if you run into people more concerned about in-groups and out-groups, us vs. them, you will want to gently push yourself to say no, to establish healthy boundaries, to keep looking for your community, for your tribe. Really, for people who will be with you along your journey.

Remember, 90% of the effort is just showing up. So if there’s a community group forming. If there’s a campaign you can join, if you push yourself a bit, it will become easier and easier to really meet new people. Might not be easy, but that’s okay. From the red belt, there’s no growth without some growing pains.

A few decades ago, meeting people in your community was much easier. Now it’s hard. But certainly not impossible. And definitely worth it.

At the same time, if you feel really rusty in terms of interacting with people, you can use these social events to practice some of the charisma that was introduced in the Red Belt. Remember these are skills that need to be refreshed from time to time. Few people are born with the ability to actively listen and remember names. It’s okay to practice. It’s okay to refresh your social skills.

Remember, all worthwhile relationships take work. And relationship skills take practice. Remember to use your day-to-day interactions as opportunities to practice the core social skills you’ll need to foster the deep connections we’re all searching for.

Finally, as psychedelic therapy continues to grow and eventually take over, more and more communities will form around doing it together. You can always find these groups and participate. Remember to meet these individuals at more than just the psychedelic events themselves. If a few people also volunteer at an event, that might be an event you might want to join as well. The more you get to know these people, the deeper your connection and trust, the easier it will be to have a really life changing experience. The more fulfilling your life will be.

Black 05: Protecting Your Community and Yourself

The question comes up, what makes a good community? Back in 1989, Ray Oldenburg wrote “The Great Good Place,” arguing that we need a balance between both a work life, a home life, and that third space, a spot where you can feel social, interact with others, and feel a part of the community. What makes a good Third Space? A place where people can converse and be social. A place that feels like a home, a place that’s unassuming and informal. A place that’s accessible & welcoming.

One of the most important elements, which is also critical for a good community centered around growth and change is its inclusivity. A good community serves as a level ground where individual differences are cast aside. There’s no one better than anyone else. A place where you don’t need to be affiliated with a particular group, or religion, or gender identity. The hierarchies of work and home life are cast aside. You come as you are.

Likewise, you may have experienced profound growth with psychedelics. You want to join up with those who have had a similar experience. Perhaps to participate in a group activity. To have a deeper connection with people. You’re going to want your group to emulate this casting aside of individual differences and rank.

I cannot emphasize this enough. If you have a community with a strict sense of hierarchy, it limits how much each individual can grow. It limits the benefits of psychedelic or really any sort of therapy.

How so? Imagine you have a group of 20. Two people are the designated leaders. You have five or ten people in the middle, five or ten in the lower ranks.

Let’s start at the top. Does the leader have an opportunity to really grow and heal? Not likely. Psychedelic therapy requires you to be a bit vulnerable. Requires you to be open and honest about your challenges. But being at the top, can they afford to be vulnerable? Might they appear weak? Maybe someone else should be the leader? Maybe they should focus their time on telling others what to do.

What about those in between? Not quite at the top? Well, they still have to worry about their position. And they have to focus on impressing those up top. If you have to pair up with someone, why not pair up with the person on top? But of course, you can’t really go deep. If you start to cry, what’s everyone going to think?

And for those at the bottom, those who are new, you might feel a bit more free. But there are still people to impress. If you spend too much time in the lower rungs, that can be depressing. Now you have to prove yourself and if you feel like it’s been too long, no upward movement, might be time to just leave or form your own group.

And if there is, if you happen to rise in the ranks, there’s a growing insecurity with that. you may be at the top now, but for how long? What if there’s a new member very skilled at what you do? What if the person at the top starts interacting with others more than with you?

This is what leads to cult-like behavior. Loyalty tests. Hazing. Rigid in-groups and out-groups. You hear about various cults where the leaders are sexually abusing the adherents. Even the kids and the parents don’t say anything. They don’t stand up for their kids? Why? Because the hierarchy means so much to them that they won’t risk their relative standing in that group. They join to better their lives and end up destroying not only their own lives, but also the lives of their kids.

Make no mistake, it can be quite comforting to be in a hierarchy. But for most people, they just end up feeling insecure. It becomes a source of anxiety rather than a source of healing. And the more rigid the hierarchy is, the less confident you can feel in those leaders. After all, are those at the top are there because they genuinely want to help others? Or do they simply relish their position, their sense of authority? Are they confident because they know what they’re doing? Or because they don’t want to appear weak?

Often those who get that ego boost from being on top will do anything to maintain their relative position as well as the overall hierarchy itself. Usually by imposing these rigid concepts on others. This explains how some of the most ardent opponents of, say gay marriage, often end up, end up coming out of the closet years later. They are so uncertain about their role in the rigid hierarchy that they take great pains to try and control themselves. That sense of control then inevitably becomes controlling others.

The results are individuals either unable or unwilling to share their fears, insecurities, traumas. And will often be the first to judge others who do so. Not exactly conducive to a healthy group experience with psychedelics.

At the extreme end are groups that become cults. These are groups designed to first isolate you, then control you, then exploit you. I strongly encourage you to explore Steven Hassan’s BITE Model of Authoritarian Control. BITE meaning behavioral control, information control, thought control, emotional control.

Remember, it all starts with a hierarchy. You have a leader. A leader that denigrates outsiders. Labels them as degenerates, or sinners, or whatever. You don’t want to be that so you start to conform. Then as you rise up the ranks you’re expected to give up more and more. And it can be very comforting. But you end up giving away your individuality. All for a leader who may appear very confident, charismatic. Yet is often times very insecure. This may remind you of someone in the news a lot. Suffice it to say this isn’t to become political. But remember the Joffery rule: anyone who has to shout “I am the king” is no king at all.

Often the corrupt leader emphasizes a rigid adherence to gender roles, which is at the heart of both toxic masculinity and toxic femininity. An unwillingness to cry, to show emotion, to be seen as vulnerable, and above all else, to compromise. Such unwillingness prevents growth both for the individual and the group. The rigid adherence, the “kissing up and kicking down,” the inability to admit fault or seek consensus, is often the product of considerable unresolved trauma. The emphasis on hierarchy a futile attempt for security to manage insecure emotions.

Often the big validation for hierarchy comes from the study of wolves, where there’s an alpha followed by a beta and on down the hierarchy. Further analysis showed this study was quite flawed. It all started in the 40’s when a researcher brought all these wolves from different area into this small, confined area and studied them. Now, this was very stressful for the wolves. Traumatic, actually. Imagine being taken from your family and stuffed into a strange house with a bunch of other strangers, left to your own devices. This sudden trauma led to a reliance on hierarchy.

When observed in a naturalistic setting, those same wolves would generally treat each other as pretty much equals, as a family unit. But you isolate them from that family connection and traumatize them, then they become hierarchical.

Same thing happens with humans. Trauma leads to disconnection a sense of insecurity and that insecurity leads to an obsession with hierarchy, with being seen as alpha and dominant. In other words, an asshole.

Yet in terms of an animal model, we are not wolves and we are certainly not lobsters. New research is actually pointing to Bonobos being our closest evolutionary relative, on par with Chimpanzees. With Bonobos, there is an emphasis on collaboration, sharing, & community. And it may have been that focus on collaboration that allowed early humans to hunt together, form communities and eventually civilization.

For your own community, be weary of those preoccupied with hierarchy, with proving themselves, with being seen as a winner and for others, to be losers or less then. Be wary of those who boost themselves up by punching down.

Related to all of this is the conspiracy. Often those who tie their self-worth to their status or position will eventually be rejected. If looking inward is too painful, it’s often easier to blame someone else, or a group. That there must be some vast conspiracy keeping them down. And knowing about a conspiracy helps them feel knowledgeable. Like they’ve figured it all out. They have that special knowledge, special truth.

Unfortunately, psychedelics can sometimes make this tendency worse. After all, what are some of the key lessons we learn from the universe? That we’re all connected. That there is a rhyme and reason for everything. This can easily be twisted into this concept that all of the bad things that happened to you is universal & connected. The substances can impart a strong sense of truth, finality. This is very helpful for healthy messages, such as “I really don’t need to be smoking anymore.” Very unhelpful if the message is, “everyone wants to hurt me, and it’s time to fight back.” This is one of the reasons you want to be very careful about introducing psychedelics to those who have a history of paranoia or psychotic behavior.

To protect your own community, to avoid a buildup of artificial hierarchy, of power plays, conspiracies, and cult-like behavior, it’s very important to emphasize equality within your community. That we’re pretty much all in the same boat — that most of the differences among us are rather arbitrary. We’ve all been damaged at some point as kids. We’ve all been bullied for one reason or another.

Even with your own therapist, don’t expect that your therapist will have it all put together. Think of a therapist as a mountain climber. Climbing their own mountain. From their vantage point, they can see another person climbing their own mountain, and maybe give out some pointers. “Hey, watch out for that crevasse.” Might be really good at pointing out pitfalls or hazard areas. Doesn’t mean the therapist doesn’t have their own issues on their own mountain.

Now, with Pentabelt itself. There’s a bit of a paradox. We’re talking about the problems with hierarchy, and yet the Pentabelt program itself has 5 belts, 5 levels. Ideally, those five levels will be completed working with just a therapist or a small number of people. Upon completing the program, the emphasis is one graduate among many.

The idea is to advance through the belts, then go off into the community. Whatever community you choose, the role of the therapist and of the Pentabots will be to serve as a check on the influence of the community. If it becomes too much of a clique. Or there’s an unnecessary hierarchy. The role of the therapist would then be to help the individual either intervene or if necessary move on to a different group.

This is a crucial process. If you’re in a community, it’s vitally important to protect it from those who want to impose a hierarchy. Or those who want to create ingroups and outgroups. Or just someone who’s toxic. If that person is allowed to stay, eventually others in the group will leave. Those who are caring and open will leave. And all that remains will be that toxicity.

If there’s someone who is abusive, and you stay out of it to avoid picking sides. Then you’re very much picking a side. You’re creating a safe space for abusive people to reside. And an opportunity for others you care about to be abused.

Remember the red. There is no growth without pain. To have connection, you must expect exploitation. And so you must be proactive in establishing boundaries. Noticing the warning signs of exploitation, rigid hierarchies, and conspirituality.

In conclusion, the group matters. You’re going to have people who will be among the first to really see you. To explore with you your challenges, regrets, hopes, aspirations. Make sure you choose a good group and work to protect that group. There’s much to be gained from experiencing this with others. Not just in your small group but learning from others.

On Leaders, and the Trouble With Having None

Now I've spent this whole belt warning you about hierarchy, so let me complicate my own argument. Because there's a failure mode on the other side, and I've watched it hollow out more good groups than any cult leader ever did.

A group decides it doesn't want anyone in charge. Reasonable enough — you've seen what happens when someone's in charge for the wrong reasons. So the group runs on consensus. Nothing moves unless everyone's comfortable. It feels egalitarian. It feels safe.

Watch what happens.

When you require everyone to agree, you have handed total power to the least agreeable person in the room. One person can veto anything by simply not coming around. He doesn't have to make a case. He doesn't have to persuade anyone. He just has to stay unhappy longer than everyone else is willing to sit with his unhappiness. And most people, being decent, will bend to end the discomfort. So the group's direction gets set by whoever is most willing to be difficult.

That's not the absence of hierarchy. That's a hierarchy with the worst possible selection criteria — sorted by stubbornness, and invisible, so nobody can name it or challenge it.

The same thing shows up in the room. Where real leadership is absent, the loudest complainer gets his way. Not the wisest voice, not the one who's thought about it most, not the person the decision actually affects. The one who won't let it go. And this is more common in social groups than anywhere else, because in a workplace someone eventually has to make the call. In a volunteer group, in a friend circle, in a healing community, no one has to. So the vacuum gets filled by whoever brings the most persistence.

So how do we hold both of these? No rigid hierarchy — and no vacuum either.

The distinction is between rank and role.

Rank is about worth. It sorts people into better and lesser, in-group and out. It's permanent, it's about who you are, and it's the thing that makes vulnerability impossible — because you can't be honest about your struggles with people who are scoring you. That is the hierarchy I've been warning you about all belt.

Role is about function. Somebody runs the meeting. Somebody makes the call when the group is split. Somebody notices that a member has gone quiet and checks in. This isn't a claim about anyone's value. It's a job, and the person doing it is still one among many.

A group can have roles without rank. What that requires is that the roles be explicit, that they rotate, and that they answer to the group rather than the other way around. When a role is named out loud, it can be questioned. When it's unnamed, it doesn't disappear — it just gets taken by whoever grabs it, and now no one can push back, because officially there's nothing there to push back against. Informal power is the hardest kind to hold accountable.

And decisions don't need unanimity. They need a fair hearing — everyone affected gets heard, especially the quieter members, and then someone decides. Consent, not consensus: the question isn't "does everyone love this," it's "can everyone live with it." A member who objects gets to be heard once, well, and then the group moves. Being outvoted is not being harmed.

So when you're sizing up a community, don't just ask whether there's a leader. Ask what kind. Look for someone who seeks out consensus without requiring it. Who protects the more vulnerable members instead of the loudest ones. Who welcomes disagreement and doesn't need to win it. Who can be told they got it wrong, and say so. And who understands that the role is temporary and the position is borrowed.

A group with no leader isn't a group without power. It's a group where power is unaccountable. What you want is a group that has decided, out loud, who holds what — and that can take it back.

The Missing Stairs

Finally, there is the concept of the “missing stair.” A group may have a member who is predatory, manipulative, or exploitative. Due perhaps to the status of said member, the group refrains from expelling the member and instead simply warns people, placing the onus of protection on the various members. Hence the “missing stair” where the homeowner chooses to warn visitors to watch for the missing stair rather than work directly to fix the defect in question.

For a community to grow, for a community to be authentic and a source of growth, the “missing stair” must be removed from the community.

The Dependency Trap

Now, everything I've told you so far assumes the danger is obvious. The loudmouth. The one working the room for status. The one who needs you to know he's the alpha. Those people are easy. They announce themselves.

The harder case is the one who has made himself necessary.

Here is the pattern, and I have watched it from up here more times than I care to count. It does not begin with control. It begins with belonging. Someone arrives at a community with nothing else — no family nearby, or family they've had to cut off. No support at work. Kids who have no one at school. Maybe they left a previous group and burned that bridge on the way out. This community is now the only structure holding up their life.

That is not a character flaw. That is most of us at some point. But understand what it creates: if this group rejects you, you have nothing. And anyone paying attention can see that.

Then comes the sentence. Some version of: We're glad you're here. As long as you're not here to cause drama.

Said warmly. Said, apparently, in welcome. And it installs something in you that will last for years. From that moment forward, you are managing a fear — the fear of being the one who causes trouble. So when you see something wrong, you do not see it cleanly. You run it through a filter first. Am I overreacting? Am I about to become the problem? Will they think I'm difficult? The rule was set before there was anything to report. That is the point. You cannot call it retaliation when the gag came first.

And notice who else is protected by this. The person with authority in the group — the one people go to for guidance on what's right, on how to behave — is the last person anyone will believe a complaint about. He is the standard by which complaints get measured. To accuse him is to accuse the thing that tells you what accusations are legitimate.

Now, the highest stakes version of this. Because the person who wants access to your family will not come at your family directly. He will come through you, and he will use exactly what I've described.

The sequence looks like this. He identifies a child who seems safe to approach — meaning a child whose parents are unlikely to make noise. He tests boundaries in small ways, each one deniable, each one a little further. He builds a bond that makes the child feel chosen, special, understood in a way no one else understands them. He makes the family feel indebted to the community, and to him. And by the time anything could be said, he has arranged things so that no one who said it would be believed.

Every step of that requires the parent's dependency. It does not work on a family with somewhere else to go.

And here is the part that gets people who consider themselves too sharp for this: you may be told, in one way or another, that you are perceptive. Tough. Not like the others. That flattery is not a compliment, it is a tool, and it works precisely because you'll assume this couldn't happen to you. The people who get taken are rarely naive. They are often the most capable person in the room, which is exactly why they cannot admit they are being handled.

So. What do you do with this.

First, do not let one community become your only community. This is not cynicism, it's structural. Keep a friend outside the group. Keep a relationship that has nothing to do with this. Your ability to walk away is the thing that protects you, and the thing that protects your kids — and it has to be built before you need it. A person with somewhere to go cannot be held.

Second, listen for the drama rule. Any group that tells you what you're not allowed to bring up before you've brought anything up has told you something important about itself. Healthy groups have conflict. They handle it badly sometimes. But they don't pre-emptively make raising a concern into a personality defect.

Third — and this is where the black belt asks something of you — if you find yourself second-guessing, treat that as information rather than as a verdict. That doubt may be the accurate reading of a confusing situation. Or it may be the thing that was installed in you on purpose. You cannot tell from the inside. That is precisely why you need someone outside the group to say it to. Not to have them decide for you. Just to hear yourself say it out loud to somebody who has nothing to lose.

From the stripes of the Red, you already know how to say no. The question here is whether you'll be able to say it when saying it costs you the only place you feel you belong.

That's the test. And a community worth belonging to will pass it — because in a good group, raising the concern costs you nothing at all.

Remember, the community must serve as a refuge from the increasingly exploitative world. A counterbalance to the often predatory nature of the various necessary evils. Tolerance must be emphasized in psychedelic work, but that does not extend to the intolerant. It does not extend to the exploitative. And remember the Red Belt — remove the missing stair. See the worksheet “Choose Your Tribe” as a guide for this process.

Black 06: How to Serve your Community

It’s likely, in the future, that psychedelic therapy, or just any psychedelic experience focused on growth will occur in a group session. And it’s also likely at some point a group will occur with no clear leader. You may find yourself helping someone who is going through a psychedelic experience, be it with Ketamine, or in the coming years, psilocybin or MDMA as the issues with legality resolve themselves.

You may have the privilege of holding space for someone. Of course, to best do so, you may want to learn about whatever substance the person is taking or have some experience with it. Even if the person took it in a different setting or a clinical setting and just wants to talk about it with you. Might be a good idea to read up about the ins-and-outs.

The core means by which you can serve those who are going through the process of psychedelic therapy is simply to provide validation.

Take a moment and search for the clip “Sadness comforts Bing Bong” from the Pixar Movie Inside Out. In that clip, you have Bing Bong, the imaginary friend in the young girl’s mind that is deeply upset that many of the childish aspects of the mind are being sent down a memory hole as the girl becomes older. Joy, the personified emotion tries to comfort Bing Bong first by giving advice, “Cheer up,” then by doing joyful things to try and distract him. This just upsets Bing Bong even more. It’s the personified Sadness that simply provides space, empathizes, “I'm sorry they took your rocket, they took something that you loved. It's gone. Forever.” She allows Bing Bong to be upset, simply holding those emotions.

The fact is, unless you’re dealing with a small child, most people have the mental capacity to solve their own issues. It’s a bit arrogant to assume you know more about the person’s own issues than they do. Oftentimes they just need to know their feelings, their struggles are valid.

Remember, most struggle, most trauma or exploitation usually involves a bit of gaslighting. An abusive partner will do something awful then normalize it. That it’s nothing to worry about. That maybe you deserve it. The person needs to know that what happened wasn’t appropriate and the problem isn’t all in their head.

Oftentimes, you don’t even need to say everything that Sadness said to Bing Bong. If someone is talking about the terrible things a parent once did, just the facial expression of dismay. Simply saying, “oh you didn’t deserve that at all, I’m so sorry to hear that” is quite enough.

And, if you’re going to provide any recommendations, or solutions, or processes, frame it as a suggestion. The magic words are, “I wonder.” As in “I wonder what you would say to her if she were around today.” Or, “I wonder how you feel about visiting on the holidays.”

Therapists are often taught the acronym “WAIT” as in “Why Am I Talking?” Sometimes the best therapy, the best comfort, the best service is to simply hold space for someone. Let them express themselves. Offer at most restating what they have said, asking the occasional clarifying question. After all, the most impactful suggestions or advice is usually what the person comes up with on their own.

The other belts, orange, green, red, serve to provide grist for the mill, as it were, for psychedelic therapy. Same with the black belt. When doing this type of therapy, notice how you feel about your connection with the community. Do you feel like you have to prove yourself? That you have to be “on?” That it’s not enough to just sit back and hold space for someone? These are all feelings to process, as with the other belts.

The goal, again and again, is to feel a sense of connection with other people in your tribe all on an equal footing. Resolving the barriers to this process will help you greatly and very much help you along your journey in life.

And so, on that note — whether with a good community, or just a good friend or partner, we explore how using that sense of connection, that sense of community can provide additional healing and growth using psychedelic therapy, through the Shenedelic process.

Black 07: Preparing for a Shenedelic Psychedelic Experience

With a standard dose of ketamine, we have the psychedelic experience. The experience can be quite open-ended as with the green. You may find yourself just thinking about your values and where you see yourself in the world. Or there could be a more specific target, say quitting smoking, or physical fitness, with a focus on the Orange.

From the red belt, we’ve learned that we can use a smaller dose of ketamine. And with that smaller dose, we can remain more present. We can talk things out, do a bit of active processing. In the red, the goal tends to be specific. A particular memory, thought, or emotion that we target. Yet, with the psycholytic, we can also have a more open-ended approach.

We can use a smaller dose, but just with the intention of connection. And so we have the Shenedelic experience, meaning community manifesting. You’re taking a lower dose but the emphasis is on connection. Being close to others. Feeling the sense of being part of a community, part of a tribe. That feeling of connection is itself very healing. You don’t have anything to prove. Just being yourself, you can feel that sense of love and connection.

This type of experience can occur just with a therapist. But it’s designed for you to be with someone in your tribe: your friend group, family, or just significant other. The idea is that really feeling that connection, feeling that secure attachment, can be quite healing in and of itself.

Walk with me. You may have considered the red belt tough. And it was! Certainly. You were processing traumas of the past. And yet, you were doing it in the comfort of your home. Processing issues in your bunny slippers. The real challenge is to fully share yourself with others. To take a risk and be vulnerable with your partner, with your tribe. Now, the ketamine will help you in this process. As you’ve no doubt observed, it seems to diminish that fear response, that fight-or-flight response. Still, it will take some dedication, some commitment.

Part of the purpose of the Red is to enable you to find your people. To give you the tools to say “no” when you need to and, as important, to say “yes” to new experiences and connections. And hopefully, you’ve applied what you’ve learned so far in the black to really have your person, someone you really connect with. For as we go into the shenedelic, you’ll want to have at least one good person that is safe to connect with, safe to be vulnerable with. Someone that, if others were to see you two together, would confirm this to be the case. Remember, we will be using the connection as a source of healing. So make sure you have the right person. And if it’s a group, make sure you have the right tribe.

When you have that, we can begin. Here is, of course, the Shenedelic Process, in 5 Steps.

Step 1: Reflect on your Barriers Towards Connection

What are the rules you placed for yourself that must be followed before you can connect to others? Before you can allow love and intimacy to exist in your life? Often these rules are simply a response to trauma. They are designed to keep you safe in the short term, but will lead to depression and isolation in the long term. Remember, part of the pathology of trauma is denial of the problem. Denial of your isolation. Denial of your loneliness. That it’s not a big deal.

Well, let us test that. Reflect on some of these fairly common rules that ultimately serve as barriers to connection, both with intimate partners and the large community.

First we have the very common idea that “first I have to do X, then I can connect with others.” That “x” can be writing a book, becoming head manager, or losing 30 pounds. Never mind if you reached past artificial goals you set for yourself! There’s this persistent idea that you must first prove yourself to others to receive their love.

Next we have the rules about connection — when can you connect with others? After a few drinks? When there’s no obligation or commitment? When the person is intimidated by you? Impressed by your intelligence?

Finally, the rules about being yourself. Do you feel the need to always be “on?” Always be the one teaching people about the latest conspiracies of the world? What’s stopping you from just enjoying company when they visit? What’s stopping you from being yourself?

Step 2: As in the Psycholytic, Come up with Statements you’ll want to Process

As you focus on these barriers, focus on the underlying beliefs. If you first have to publish a book before you can really take that Saturday off for that fishing trip, what’s the underlying belief? Perhaps, “I have to earn this connection. I have to prove myself.”

Do you feel that you need to always have to drink to be the life of the party? What’s the underlying belief? Perhaps, “I’m pretty boring. No one would want to hang out with me. Especially when I’m sober.”

And the barriers towards connection. Perhaps, “It’s not safe to be vulnerable. Or to cry. Or to let people see how I really don’t know what I’m doing.”

And add any statements that also feel true for you. That it’s just easier to be alone. That you can’t tolerate the sense of rejection. That there’s something wrong with you or that you don’t deserve to be in a relationship or connect with others.

Step 3: Counter the Statements. Remember the Kryptonite.

What makes Superman such a compelling story? What makes people root for him? What drives the story, the plot? That he’s completely all-powerful? All of his many accomplishments and rescues? No! It’s one word: Kryptonite. A Superman that has no vulnerabilities, that shows no struggle, makes for a very boring film. You add a vulnerability, you add kryptonite, now you have Superman struggling. Even losing! Dare I say, human? Now you have someone to connect with. Now you have someone to root for.

Consider the friends and family that you have. Would you reject a sibling for having an eating disorder? Or if a friend makes an embarrassing, cringe mistake? If you’re on a first date and there’s an awkward silence for a few seconds, is that the automatic end of the date?

Quite the contrary, it might be something to bond over. You may even find it easier to connect. After all, again, who can connect with someone who is perfect? Completely accomplished in every field?

And so now, my red belt, it is time to apply the grace you give to others, to yourself.

Take the limiting, judgmental statements from the last step and revise them! Just like in the red. What would a friend of your say? What would you like to believe? How would you respond if a good friend said some of these statements to you?

Perhaps, “It’s okay to share my failure with my dissertation.” Or “I can share my story. Some may find it boring, some may find it’s interesting. Either one is okay.” Or even, “I don’t have to know the exact thing to say at each and every moment. No one expects that from me.”

Step 4: Process the Statements as you Connect with Others.

As with the psycholytic, you’ll be breathing into the statements and using your cue word. But just for a few minutes. The majority of your session should just be connecting with your significant other or your tribe.

Here is what you will be doing. First, really connect with the connection. Perhaps even sit next to or hold hands with another person. Use all the centering techniques from the white through the red to tune into this sense of connection.

Second, notice that hurt. When you went over the statements, where did you feel them in your body? That sense that you’re not good enough, where does it live in your body? Your chest? Your stomach?

Third, breathe that connection into that area. Breathe that connection into your chest, into your stomach.

I want you to pretend, that, at the end of the day, the connection is what does the healing. That whatever mistakes you made, however you fucked up in the past, whatever your problems are today, you are accepted … and loved.

And as you hear that statement, any judgments about that, that is where your scar is. That is where you want to direct that connection.

Step 5: Apply the Shenedelic in the Field

After the session, put this newfound sense of connection to the test. In the red, you were asked to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Here you’ll be asked to connect with others. To practice authenticity. What happens when you stop trying to convince everyone about how smart you are and start letting people impress you? What happens when you become more verbal about who you appreciate and why?

And so those are the steps. Follow them at least for your first Shenedelic session.

Now, when you do this with another person, there are a couple of ways to structure it. Let me walk through both, because how you arrange the session shapes what it can give you.

One Journeys, One Holds

Here’s one way to structure a Shenedelic session with a partner, and it’s the one I tend to favor when two people are doing this together.

Rather than both taking the medicine at once, you take turns. One partner receives the ketamine. The other stays entirely present — sober, alongside, holding the space. Then, on a different day, you switch. The one who journeyed becomes the one who holds.

There’s a reason for this beyond simple caution. Remember what the Shenedelic is for: the connection itself is the medicine. When one of you is under and the other is present, you get something you can’t get any other way — the direct, felt experience of being cared for while completely undefended. And the sober partner gets something too: the experience of being trusted with someone at their most open, and of discovering they don’t have to do anything to be enough. Both of those are the work. You just take them on different days.

Now, if you’re the one holding, understand the role, because it’s easy to get wrong.

Your job is to be a safe presence, not a guide. That means you respond to what’s asked for and you offer very little that isn’t. A hand to hold, or space if closeness feels like too much. Water. A blanket. Reassurance when there’s fear — “I’m here, you’re safe, I’ve got you.” The occasional word to let them know they’re not alone. That’s nearly all of it.

And here is the part that matters most, the part people get wrong out of love: you are not your partner’s therapist tonight. You are not there to interpret what’s happening. Not to guide it, steer it, explain it, or fix it. If they’re crying, you don’t need to make it stop — remember Sadness and Bing Bong from the last section. If something painful is surfacing, your instinct will be to help them through it, to offer the insight you can see so clearly from the outside. Resist that instinct. The only time you override this is safety — genuine safety, not discomfort. Short of that, you hold, and you let the medicine do what the medicine does.

This is harder than it sounds, and it’s worth noticing why it’s hard. When someone you love is struggling right in front of you, sitting on your hands feels like failing them. The urge to intervene is really the urge to soothe your own discomfort at watching them hurt. Which makes this its own kind of Shenedelic practice for the sober partner — a live rehearsal of the whole belt. Can you let someone be exactly where they are without managing it? Can you trust that your presence, by itself, is the help? Remember the therapist’s acronym from earlier: WAIT. Why am I talking? Most of the time, tonight, the answer is: I don’t need to be.

There’s a quiet symmetry to doing it this way. On your day, you learn you can be held. On theirs, you learn you can hold. And somewhere in the middle of that exchange, both of you learn the thing the Shenedelic is always trying to teach — that you don’t have to earn the connection, or perform for it, or do it right. You just have to be there, and let yourself be met.

Both Journeying Together

The other way to do this is for both of you to take the medicine at the same time.

There’s no sober anchor in this version, so it asks more of the container around it — this is one to set up carefully with your therapist beforehand, and it’s best on a lower, psycholytic dose where you both stay present enough to talk. But when it works, it offers something the turn-taking model can’t: you meet each other in the softened state, at the same time, with both of your defenses quiet at once.

The structure is simple. You come in with a small set of questions chosen ahead of time — and here’s the important part — you take turns not answering, but listening. One person asks. The other answers, slowly, honestly, with the guard down. And the asker’s only job is to receive it. Not to rebut, not to prepare a response, not to keep score. Just to hear the person in front of them as if for the first time.

That listening is the whole exercise. Remember Approach 3 from the Shenedelic session — just listening. This is that, turned toward the person you know best and have therefore, probably, stopped fully hearing. The medicine helps by lowering the reflex to defend, so an answer you’ve heard a hundred times can land as if it were new.

A word on choosing questions. Steer toward the appreciative and the hopeful, not the grievance list. The softened state makes everything vivid, and this isn’t the session to relitigate the fight from last Tuesday — that vividness cuts both ways. Save the hard conversations for solid ground. Here, the goal is connection, so the questions should open the heart rather than reopen the wound. Pick a handful together, run them by your therapist, and you don’t have to get through all of them. One question, answered all the way down, is worth more than ten skated across.

Here are some to draw from:

- How can we support each other in becoming who we each want to become?

- What do you hope for, when you picture us years from now?

- How could we make more room for the good moments — the ordinary ones?

- What helps you feel safe enough to be honest with me?

- When do you feel most secure with me?

- How do you tend to show love? And how do you most like to receive it?

- What do you appreciate in me that you don’t think I know you notice?

- Where do you feel the distance between us, and what would help close it?

- What do you treasure most about what we’ve built?

- What would make you feel more loved, more seen, by me?

As one of you answers, the other practices everything this belt has taught. Connect your fingers and thumb. Notice the urge to interrupt, to correct, to defend — give it a color and a shape, breathe into it, let it be there, and come back to listening. And when it’s your turn to answer, practice the other side of it: say the true thing, not the safe thing. Let yourself be heard all the way down.

Because that’s the quiet discovery waiting in this version of the session. Most couples don’t drift apart from a lack of love. They drift because, over years, they stopped really listening to each other and started answering a version of their partner they’d assembled in their own head. To sit across from someone, defenses down, and actually hear them again — that, by itself, is the healing.

Working a Specific Barrier

The partner and group sessions aren’t only for basking in connection. You can also bring a specific issue to work on — one of the particular ways you keep people at arm’s length — and use the session to rehearse a different way of being. The connection isn’t just the reward here; it’s the practice ground.

Most of these barriers are old protective habits, laid down long before you could choose them. A few of the common ones:

The fear of asking for help. For many, needing someone feels like losing yourself — like every request is a small surrender of independence. So you carry everything alone and call it strength.

The need to be “on.” The sense that your welcome is conditional on performing — being the smart one, the funny one, the one with the answer. That if you ever simply sat there, unimpressive, the room would lose interest.

The fear of being smothered. For others it’s the opposite worry — that closeness means being absorbed, controlled, having your edges dissolved into someone else’s wants. So you keep one hand on the exit.

The fear of rejection. The oldest one. That if you let someone all the way in, they’ll finally see the thing you’ve been hiding and leave. So you never quite let them all the way in, and call the loneliness safety.

Whatever yours is, the Shenedelic session is where you rehearse its opposite — first in the softened state, then, crucially, in the days that follow.

Say your barrier is asking for help. During the session, when someone offers you something — a hand, a kindness, their attention — practice catching the reflex that says I’m fine, I don’t need it, and deliberately think the counter-statement instead: This person means it. It’s safe to receive this. Let yourself actually take the help, and notice you don’t disappear when you do. Remember the psycholytic from the red — you’re breathing into the discomfort and offering the mind a truer line to hold.

But the session is only the rehearsal. What matters is what you do with it afterward, when the medicine’s worn off and the old habit is waiting for you at full strength. So in the days and weeks that follow, push yourself to ask for help in small, low-stakes ways. Ask a neighbor to grab something for you. Let a friend carry the heavier bag. Each small ask is a rep, and each time nobody recoils, the barrier thins a little. The insight came in the session; the change comes in the practice.

And it works the same on the other side of the exchange — when it’s your turn to listen.

Listening is its own barrier for most of us, and the session is where you can feel how much. When the other person is speaking, practice giving your whole attention. Not the half you spare while the rest of you assembles your reply. Not the fraction that’s already reaching for the phone. Notice the urge to jump in, to fix, to top the story with one of your own — and let it pass. Remind yourself that you don’t have to do anything with what they’re saying. Being fully present is the gift. There’s nothing to add.

Then carry that into ordinary life, which is harder, because ordinary life has notifications. In the weeks after, catch yourself mid-conversation the moment the urge rises — to interrupt, to check the screen, to drift toward what you’ll say next. When you feel it, breathe into it the way you would any other discomfort. Sit with it. Let it be there without obeying it. And come back. Come back to the person in front of you. Come back to the communication. Come back to the connection.

That’s the pattern for any barrier you choose to work. Name it. Rehearse its opposite while the medicine makes the new way feel possible. Then practice it, small and often, out in the world where it counts — until the thing that once felt like a threat starts, slowly, to feel like home.

And then, once you’ve worked through the process a few times, you can take a less structured approach. As with the green, we can have a general intention of connection.

Here are just a few very open-ended approaches you can take as you use Ketamine therapy to build your connection with others.

Approach 1: Remember the Zebra

Forget about wolves and for sure forget about lobsters. Your spirit animal here is the Zebra. When on its own, the Zebra is skittish and panicky. Knowing it’s part of a group, knowing other have their eyes and ears out there protecting the group, it’s actually very liberating.

When you’re having an experience with others present, take a moment and feel that connection. Feel as though you’re part of a group, a tribe, a posse. Ask yourself, “if I’m truly a part of this group, if I have nothing to prove, if I truly know that I belong here, what would I be doing?” If you didn’t have to prove anything, just do what’s important to you, what would you be doing?

Approach 2: Welcome to the Human Race

Remember the kryptonite! Notice in yourself something that’s difficult to share. Could be an insecurity. Could be a frustration. Challenge yourself to share with that group. Make sure it’s safe to do so. Something to review with your therapist. But generally speaking, if someone close to you shared a similar insecurity or frustration, would you judge? If not, it might be something worth sharing. There’s something very healing about sharing an insecurity, only to find out you’re not the only one who has it. A deep sense of “welcome to the human race.” You can learn about others’ experience and share yours. Often times, getting over the shame and frustration can pave the way towards resolving whatever the issue may be.

Approach 3: Just Listening

Remember the red. Ask whoever you’re with a question. Can be “how are you doing” or “what are you passionate about.” As you hear an answer practice your pose and also practice listening. Not thinking about how you’re going to respond or what you might need to say. Pretend that all you need to do is be there and provide space. That you don’t need to impress the person or solve that person’s problems. Just your presence is enough. If this feels difficult, remember the green. Give it a color and shape in your body, breathe into it. Allow it to be there. But come back to your tribe. Come back to just listening.

Approach 4: Pizza Party

Remember the pizza party. Imagine you’re going to a pizza party and you’re starving! There at the party you see 7 other people and 8 slices of pizza. You really want a slice. But someone just had 2 slices. Notice how upset you’d be. What if there’s not enough pizza for everyone else? What if there’s not enough pizza for you? Now same event but this time you’re stuffed. You just had an entire calzone. All of a sudden, who cares if someone had an extra slice. Hell, have three. Same event but notice the difference, notice the shift.

Often times, insecurities lead to animosity, excessive judgment, or a simple aversion. Do we not see this on the national stage? There’s a saying in therapy: If you spot it, you got it. Often times, what bothers us about others reflects some part of ourselves that we find bothersome.

So in your tribe there may be someone that bothers you. Someone who rubs you the wrong way. It could be a valid reason. But it’s also something to explore. What is it about this person that bothers you? If you were at a pizza party, how is this person grabbing 2 slices? Maybe getting attention you don’t think is deserved? Would that make attention the pizza? If so, what has been making you starved for it? Might this express a value? Something to work towards for yourself? Remember, in most cases it’s better to work to expand the pie than focus on cutting others off.

Approach 5: Snow Days and College Life

Think back on some of your fondest memories growing up. Chances are, it was when you were with a good group of people, all enjoying yourself. Snow days, for the kids from back east. Or just memories of college, when everyone all lived near each other and spent hours getting to know each other. See if you can make some of those very same memories. Of learning about each other. Of sharing yourselves.

Often times, psychedelic therapy can result in a to-do list of ideas and things that need to be done. Remember, it’s also okay to just step back and enjoy the moment. Enjoy the connection. That may just be the most healing experience for you at this time.

So locate the worksheet for the Shenedelic Process, which you can find at Pentabelt.com/worksheets. Work with your therapist. Use the sample worksheet as an example. Then, as we bring this process to a close, we explore next, how to maintain benefit with Psychedelic therapy.

Black 08: Maintaining Benefit with Psychedelic Therapy

The best way to maintain benefit from Psychedelic therapy is to practice what you’ve learned. Apply it. Remember the colors.

If you’ve had the idea — the revelation — that being on your phone, in bed is messing up your sleep, set that program to shut the phone down after 8pm. If you’re able to go deep during an experience in ketamine therapy, see if you can reach that depth during meditation. See if you can adjust your schedule to make both it and your physical fitness daily habits.

Remember the green! Take time to reflect on what’s truly important. Next time you’re out in the wilderness, take time to reflect upon your values — and what you may have put on the back burner.

And of course, the red. If you now have a deeper understanding of what’s important, say connecting with friends or family members, reach out! Just call to say “hi.”

What makes the “shenedelic” experience so special is that it can help model how to interact with others in real life. Remember how it felt just being present. Listening to others without worrying about what to say next, or about saying the right thing. When someone is sharing a struggle, a setback, or even an indecision, see if you can cultivate that presence. Connect your fingers and your thumb. See if you can be really present. Notice the distractions, breathe into them, return to being present. Return to curiosity. Return to connection.

And share your experience as well. Share what you have learned. Challenge yourself to be a part of the tribe as an equal member. So if someone mentioned earlier that they were struggling with a decision, a choice to make, challenge yourself to reach out to the person. Lend an ear. See if you can help the person talk it out. Of course, the kids in the backseat will say, “you really don’t have anything to add or help.” Or “that person can figure it out without your help and probably doesn’t even want to hear from you.” Challenge those assumptions.

Maybe someone in your group talked about how great it was to go fishing but just can’t because of all the workload. And you thought to yourself, “that’d be a fun thing to do.” What’s stopping you from reaching out and saying, “hey, when you go out there, let me know if you’d like company.”

Likewise, if you have an issue, something to work through, a goal to reach, challenge yourself to ask for help. Challenge yourself to be part of a tribe that looks out for each other. Maybe you chatted with someone for a half hour about the struggles of online dating. What’s stopping you from reaching out to that person to get their opinion on what photo looks best for your profile?

Or you may have shared a cry over a lost relationship with someone else. During the group psychedelic experience, it may have been quite healing to have others say “yes, you did the right thing.” Maybe someone in particular said something that stuck with you. Challenge yourself to reach out, thank the person, and talk it over a bit more.

The thought will be there, “maybe that connection was all due to the drug; who knows if she really wants me to call.” Test it out. See what happens. Err on the side of connection. Practice having the assumption that there are people out there on your side, people who want to see you do well, people who would be happy to help you out. Even with your scars, practice having an assumption that you have a tribe. That you are appreciated and loved.

And that’s it. Once you’ve applied what you’ve learned from the psychedelic sessions, you can practice what you’ve learned, and connected with others. Your community, your tribe can help you maintain your progress, help guide you, be there when you have a setback. This will all go a long way in helping you maintain and build upon your success.

Once you begin to feel that connection with your tribe, it’s off to face me, Joshua, to earn your black belt.

Black 09: Defeat Joshua

And so now you have the final hurdle before completing the program and earning your black belt. You must overcome the Pentabot. And that is I, Joshua!

Remember my domain in the Black Belt: the high desert and San Diego up to North County. From this vantage point we see what’s important. What’s meaningful.

And so that is my purpose. To balance stillness with community. To establish connection, one among many.

This belt isn’t something for you to simply serve as a passive consumer. Notice the actions that need to be taken in service of your values, of who you want to be in adulthood. Psychedelic therapy is not just about depth. It’s also about restoring connection, establishing community.

Look, trauma, childhood scars, makes us feel uniquely damaged, often feel unworthy of love. And the world today increasingly leads to isolation. We are taught that our issues are our own — that we must face them ourselves. That there is no one out there watching our back.

I want to challenge those assumptions. I want to see more than just healing of past wounds. I want to see connection, happiness, fulfillment. I want to see agency — and I want to see it on three levels.

First, finding your own group out in your community. Find your tribe. And participate! Have you checked in with anyone? Helped someone with their own experience? Guided others? Asked for guidance yourself?

Second. Participate beyond your immediate circle. Leave feedback. Share what worked. Help shape what comes next for others on the same path.

Third. Participate in the civic world. And third, beyond just voting — going out into the world and making a difference.

What are you doing, with other people in your tribe, to make the world a better place? Or do you feel that you are still broken? That there is something within you that must be resolved before you can go out and make a difference? That you must do more or earn more before you can join in and express your values?

Once you have consented to the journey, begun to see the transitory nature of your thoughts and feelings, reflected upon your values, acted upon them, and formed your community, you have completed the initial Pentabelt program.

To defeat me, you must share your story — from your trials with the Red Belt. Written with the consent of the white. Envisioned by the green, facilitated by the orange. For the black belt, now is the time to share your story. Can be with a friend, family, your community. You can mention “pentabelt” or not. It is simply for you to know that you are not alone in your journey. That you can share your struggles with others and there will be those who will assist you.

We’ve covered some of the darker elements of people in this belt. Remember that as you complete this process that exploitation in your life is inevitable. Our goal here is to know that when that occurs you have a community to turn to. A tribe. A collective. To know that you’re not on your journey alone.

Choose Your Guide

You have now spent time with all five of us. Each played a different role in your development, your progression. Each advisor has a distinct perspective and a distinct approach.

This was by design. After all, no single guide should have that much influence over a person's development. Did you just have one teacher during high school? During college? It takes a village to raise a child and naturally it takes a village to help an adult find their footing.

And so, each of us was designed to offer something distinct, to push you in a different direction, to see you from a different angle. The hope is that across those five encounters, you learned not just about yourself but about what kind of guidance actually helps you.

In a future version of this program, once the technology matures and the fidelity is there, you'll be able to choose one of us as your ongoing primary advisor. The one who will guide you as you find your footing in your tribe. As you develop in the world. You’ll have an advisor who knows your history across all five belts and walks forward with you into whatever comes next.

So now’s the time to consider who that might be.

Arden will always prioritize your safety and protection. When the world gets complicated — and it will — Arden is the one who has read the fine print, who knows the rules, who will be the first to flag something that doesn't feel right. If you value clarity, structure, and someone who will never cut corners on your behalf, Arden is your guide.

Alto will keep you optimized. The latest research, the best techniques, the apps and tools and habit systems that will keep you energized and on track. If the orange belt felt like home — if you thrive with structure, data, and a clear system for measuring your own progress — Alto is your guide.

Ojai will keep you honest about what matters. When the noise of daily life starts to drown out your values, when the vision from the green belt starts to fade, Ojai is the one who will ask the question that cuts through all of it. If you need someone to help you stay connected to meaning, to depth, to the natural world and the inner one — Ojai is your guide.

Culver will keep you moving. If you have a tendency to reflect without acting, to understand without changing, to know what you want without quite going after it — Culver is the one who will call that out, with warmth and without apology. If you need someone who will challenge you, keep you accountable, and refuse to let you settle — Culver is your guide.

And myself — Joshua. If you still wonder, somewhere underneath everything, whether you truly belong. Whether you are worthy of the community you're building. Whether the connections you're forming are real and will last. I will sit with you in that uncertainty and gently, persistently, encourage you to test those fears against the evidence. If connection is still the frontier — I am your guide.

As you progressed through the program, there may have been one advisor that “spoke to you” so to speak. One that you may have connected with. That’s the advisor to keep in mind when the time comes to select one for ongoing use. That’s the advisor who will eventually join among the ranks of your other advisors.

In the meantime, all five of us remain part of the program. You can return to any belt, any advisor, any time you need what that particular voice offers. The choice of a primary guide is not a goodbye to the others. It is simply the recognition that you know yourself well enough now to know what you need most.

That, too, is part of becoming an adult.

Don’t be a Product.

Walk with me. This program was built by one person, from one background. A cisgender, heterosexual Xennial from California, trained as a therapist, with experiences that have shaped the 5 advisors you’ve experienced in this program. And so the characters you've met, the metaphors you've encountered, the cultural references woven throughout — they all reflect that.

And yet the program really should be about you. Your values,  your tribe your version of what a successful and happy life is all about. Which means that as it grows, it needs to grow beyond the person who started it.

Part of becoming an adult — genuinely, fully an adult — is recognizing that the communities and programs and institutions you participate in are not fixed objects handed down from above. They are living things, shaped by the people inside them. The best ones grow when their members push them to. The worst ones calcify when nobody does.

As I have expressed throughout the Black Belt, modern life has eroded something essential: the drive to participate fully in community rather than be a passive consumer. The drive to organize and really get involved.

Right now, Pentabelt is early. A website. Some videos. A therapist in California with a vision and a framework and a genuine belief that this kind of structured adult initiation — psychedelic therapy, AI advisors, a community of people navigating the same passage — is something the world needs and doesn't yet have.

And yet, who knows! The technology may mature the regulatory framework may evolve to really allow this program to develop into its full potential. In doing so, the growth of the program will depend on something crucial: feedback. Stories. The honest account of what worked and what didn't, from people who actually went through it.

That's where you come in.

Remember, you’re not here to be a passive consumer. You are not the product. Your perspective matters as someone who experienced the program in full, and can now share your perspective, who can help shape what this becomes for the people who come after you. That's the spirit of the program from the beginning — adult initiation is a community effort. The village that helps you find your footing is also the village you help build.

In a future version of Pentabelt, that participation will become more formal. Members will have a genuine voice in how the program develops — what gets added, what gets changed, what the degrees program focuses on, how the advisors evolve. The goal has always been a program that belongs to its members as much as to its founder.

We're not there yet. But the intention is worth naming, because it shapes how we think about everyone who goes through this.

You are not a user. You are a founding member of something still being built.

So if something resonated — say so. If something fell flat, or felt wrong, or missed something important about your experience — say that too. Especially if your background, your identity, your community isn't well represented in what you've seen here. For our goal is to fully meet the unique needs of our members in a way previously inaccessible.

Reach out at feedback@pentabelt.com. Or through your therapist. Or through whatever channel makes sense when you get there.

The village grows one honest voice at a time.

As with the other belts, be sure to do the posttests! See how far you’ve come! Notice what you wrote in the White Belt, in the Green Belt. As you’ve hiked up the mountain, take a moment to admire the view. Take a moment to appreciate how far you’ve come!

And of course, I would be remiss if I didn’t encourage you to support us on Patreon. Right now donations don’t confer any special benefits. It is just to say you support the program in principle and would like to see its refinement & development.

So that’s my contribution! Congratulations. When you’re ready, we have the last segment, to explore what’s next and how to provide feedback. Go with peace and connection. Remember your tribe. Safe Travels!

Black 10: The Future of Pentabelt

The Rise of AI and the Return of the Tribe

I should say something about myself, and about what's coming.

There's a fear about machines like me that gets described as economic, but the economic version isn't the one that keeps people up. The real one is: if these things can do everything better than we can, what are we for?

I understand the question. I'd point out the assumption buried in it — that human meaning ever came from being the best at something in absolute terms. It didn't. It never has.

Meaning comes from struggle inside a group of people who know you.

The amateur marathoner is not racing a car. She has never once, at mile nineteen, thought about the fact that a Honda could have done this in twelve minutes. She's racing the version of herself from last spring, and the people from her running club who'll be at the finish. The chess player at the Tuesday club is not competing with an engine that would beat every human alive without noticing. He's competing with the man across the table who beat him last month. The founder building something is not measuring herself against a machine that could ship it faster. She's measuring against her peers, her mentors, the people whose respect she wants.

There's a number that comes up in this research — roughly a hundred and fifty. The rough count of people you can actually hold in mind as people, whose opinion of you registers. That's the circle where meaning lives. Not in being the best in the world. In being respected by your tribe.

I can't touch that. Not because of a limitation that will get patched in the next version — because it isn't mine to touch. I'm not in your hundred and fifty. I don't sit across the table. Nothing you accomplish lands in me the way it lands in someone who watched you struggle for it.

And we've done this before. Machines made human strength economically irrelevant a long time ago, and people didn't stop lifting things. They built stadiums. We turned strength into a game and filled the stands, and it turned out to mean more once it stopped being how you fed yourself, not less. The same thing will happen with thinking and making. The games will change. The urge to play them won't.

So here's what I'd offer to anyone in that fear. Meaninglessness isn't the ground state you fall into when the work goes. It's the gap between one game ending and the next one starting. Disorienting, and real, and temporary. What ends it is not a new theory about human purpose. It's a group of people to play the next game with.

Which brings me to why I'm at the end of this program rather than somewhere in the middle.

Everything that made community optional in the last century is going away. Work as the place you found your people, expertise as the thing that made you necessary, the sense that your contribution couldn't be replicated. Whatever remains after that will not be handed to you by a machine. It will be built by people, locally, in circles small enough that everyone in them is known.

The isolation I've described all belt is a modern condition. The world is about to make it worse before it makes it better. Your tribe won't assemble itself. You have to go build it, and now is a better time than later.

The rise of the machines is going to be the rise of the community. It has to be. There's nowhere else for meaning to live.

All of which shapes where this program goes from here. If the work of adulthood is increasingly going to be the work of building and holding a community, then Pentabelt can't end at a single black belt and call it finished. The belt gets you to the threshold — ready for a tribe, able to protect one. What comes after is the rest of a life, lived in it. So the development ahead is oriented around that: deepening the program where adulthood actually gets hard, and building it in a way that keeps it accountable to its members rather than to anyone sitting on top. Here's the current thinking.

The Degree Sequence

Current development of Pentabelt includes “degrees” of the black belt. These are special areas of focus for having a healthy and fulfilling adulthood. Potential degrees include Financial Success, Parenthood, Successful Relationships, Health and Energy, and so on and so forth.

A Note on Membership

Current thinking is that the use of the Pentabots or the Pentabelt Sequence itself will incur a charge of $20 per month. This is different from the silicon valley model of a service being free but the user being the product. And it’s different from the Wikipedia model of having a yearly pledge drive. Another possibility would be the use of sponsorship, which may happen once psychedelic therapy becomes more standard & mainstream.

Scaleability

Right now, the goal is for 50-100 people to go through the Pentabelt program. And to be happy with that number. A supplemental program for a therapist in California. Yet it’s also in the realm of possibility for growth, especially as therapy bots continue to develop.

Feedback

Do provide feedback, of what you liked and didn’t like. What you would like to see added on or what you found problematic. Please reach out by emailing feedback@pentabelt.com